I knew there would be a day of reckoning. Maybe it’s today.
Saturday was tough. Of course. And Sunday I had time to think and reflect and that was good but also a lot of time to dwell on the little dog.
Since Monday, work has been crazy and keeping me focused. Keeping me from getting too reflective.
I am generally speaking not someone who overreacts to day-to-day stresses of life. I have over the years gotten pretty good at using the reality of perspective, of measuring my place in the world against so many others, as a tool to remind myself how fortunate I am considering what could be. But I am also aware that I am a bit far out on the edge of the envelope in terms of life stresses. New job that is high intensity due to where we are in the project; learning all the players and dynamics and the technical details of the solution and architecture. Buying a house, selling a house, organizing the logistics of a move. And now, losing Mandela. So I’ve been dealing—eyes wide open. Not sleeping well but okay. Then I find out yesterday there may be a problem with the loan from the people buying my home in Columbus. Today I find out the buyers do not appear to be taking steps to correct. I cannot terminate the contract without mutual consent and if I do get their consent I walk away from the escrow. So I am sort of screwed. Nothing to do but wait and see.
So sort of a bad deal as it looks like I am heading towards carrying a couple of homes for at least a month and maybe more.
Anyway. I find myself feeling angry, which is not what I want to be feeling. But it’s more I think. It’s sadness and anger and loneliness mixed up
Things will work out. They normally always do. Actually, technically, they always do. Things will happen that happen. And on the good side, the condo in Columbus had a lot of interest and appraised at full value. It showed better with furniture but will appear larger without. So I will lose 45 days or so, but hopefully not more.
Writing from a restaurant near my hotel. Will be great to get out of the hotel and into the house this weekend. One less thing to worry about. House here in Cleveland closed today. The closing agent came to work at 6:00pm which is a great service. So now having a glass of Balvenie 15 to celebrate. The picture on my monitor is the last picture I took of Mandela. Probably should not spend so much time looking at it.
Work is slowly becoming more clear. I have always been blessed with an innate sense of relationship development at work. Not sure why or how but I have learned to trust it. This allows me to quickly develop trust among my colleagues and gives me room to figure things out. I have strict standards for my performance (my whole family does – thanks Mom and Dad!); so I sometimes feel like my performance is lackluster and others think I am killing it. Hours are long at the moment, but that’s mostly because there is so much going on and I am trying to learn it all at once. We have a couple of months of hard work ahead of us to re-engineer some processes and get everyone moving in the same direction in lock-step, but that is just a process of guiding, nurturing, influencing, leading.
Nice picture of little Aneeka cooking dinner. Naazneen and Aneeka never fail to ask about how Mandela is doing when we talk. So they were sad to hear of Mandela’s passing.
Sjoerd and Onah’s dog Bear is getting big. Being a puppy; cute and energetic. And a random picture from work.