Weather is improving. A bit chillier this week than last, but sun was out and that is fine. Today was sunny and beautiful–yesterday was rainy and foggy. From our 26th floor office, I could barely see any buildings downtown.

The Pops outcome continues to haunt a bit. Who would ever want to be god. Who wants to determine who lives and who dies. Not me. But I did. 

My parent’s and my brother and sisters called to tell me how sorry they were. Carla also sent me a nice note, acknowledging the agony of this decision that so many of us face in our lifetimes. The price, sometimes, of pet ownership. The need to protect others or put a fellow earth inhabitant out of their own misery. 

Interestingly, one other person wrote to imply that perhaps I was hasty and had not thought it through. Suggesting, or so it seemed, that I took this decision lightly. Which was frustrating. But I had to let it go. They don’t know me. Not like family and friends know me. Carla and I have been friends for nearly 30 years now. I never take a big decision without talking it through with my trusted advisors and putting myself through a tortured process of thought and over-thought. Examining from all angles.

So I let it go and focused on just remembering old Pops and reminding that death awaits us all. And while we are sad for ourselves, the dead are immune from any further pain and anger and confusion from whatever is going on here on this planet.

And anyway. We must own these decisions–so I’ve no need to explain or rationalize. The guilt and loss of sleep are also mine. And the empty house.

Sunday I put in most of the day at the home desk. Taxes prep and work-work and some personal paperwork and cleaning house. Some cleaning up Quickbooks for Earth-Explore. Brian’s a far better accountant than I am and thankfully he’s done the heavy lifting on the bookkeeping.

I received a check for $.01 from Fidelity which I found to be pretty god-damn hilarious.

Some work anxiety as we get closer to testing and still have mountains to move. But we are in a decent spot. I continue to have really candid conversations with my bosses; which is so refreshing after the insincerity and intellectually challenged executives at Cleveland Clinic.

Turns out Brittany is an excellent baker. She is going to sell some baked goods to Shannon for a birthday party she is planning for a co-worker. And possibly provide some dessert items for Larry and Terri’s restaurant. We are going to dinner Friday night at Martini in Columbus. Last time I was there I almost got into fist fight with a couple of middle aged white women who were bragging about voting for Trump just after the 2016 election. I was there with Shannon for FNM and by god was in no mood for a couple of privileged white racist Karen’s after the shock of that election.

No other news of note.

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