Early Morning Blues

Sleep still eludes me. Sunday night I went to sleep around 10:30 – but was wide awake at 3:00. Too much on my mind, always.

The last few weeks have been pushing some boundaries on change. New job, the move, buy and sell homes, and the loss of Mandela. So I suppose it makes sense. I’ve always been a bad sleeper so this cycle is just one of many.

Monday night was basically a repeat. Asleep at 11:30 and up at again at 3:30. So averaging just over 4 hours.

I’ve always been a happy, positive person. But for the first time in decades I find myself feeling lethargic and detached. Work is challenging and interesting at the moment, so that is a positive. Once I get the garage sorted I can start back in on the canoe. But there is just something deeper going on that I need to sort through.

I have always lived life like it was a carnival and I need to ride every ride, taste every sweet treat, and see every freak show before closing time. So no time to wallow in self-pity.

I managed a short run Sunday, which was nice, and I had a little look around. It’s an odd neighborhood where I have landed. Super rich on one side, the lakeshore folk; then us, normal people with decent jobs, and then immediately south is the crippling poverty of east Cleveland. But the house itself is a good fit for me even if the location is not ideal.I was able to get some painting done this weekend and some more unpacking and organization. Slowly coming together.

I do like being close to the lake. There is a marina 1/2 mile away and I am hoping they have a Wednesday night race series and that I can find a boat to crew on. This part of OH seems to have not managed their shoreline well from a zoning and planning perspective. There is little public access. Other than a few public parks, access seems to be mostly controlled via private residences along the shore. But now that I am settled, I will investigate.

My work computer would not fire up this morning. I have a young friend and former colleague who is applying to multiple graduate schools and has asked me to provide a reference. The request came via my work computer and I cannot finish those this morning—which was my primary goal before starting the day. Lots of other work things to do, but they will have to wait. So now I am writing from the cafe in one of the main hospital buildings in downtown campus. I have 4 hours of meetings here this morning so I had to suit up. This afternoon I am at our financial offices in Independence and finally will make my way to my office in Beachwood and hopefully to someone who can fix my machine. I will try to stay on top of email via phone but it will be a battle.

I have a 75 page legal document containing our contract with Oracle, so will read through that while waiting for my meetings to start.

Nice picture of Aneeka in her grade 1 school photo. She is doing well. Naazneen is a good mother doing a great job raising a daughter in a complicated and fragile society. It makes me hunger for Namibia. I have a friend who is doing some work in Johannesburg and she sent me some photos and a couple of videos of street musicians and one of the markets. I am homesick for my adopted continent.

It’s been 25 days since the last day of Mandela. Three weeks without the little dog. I feel her absence. And still a lot of guilt.

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