There’s something insidious about being so tired but not able to sleep. It can be a lonely and frustrating thing. I am a loner by nature, but even for me, being awake night after night in the wee hours is a little much. And the feeling is exacerbated by the mind being tired. If I was productive, I would welcome the additional hours. But I am often just so damn mind-weary but not able to shut things down and sleep. I very often wake between 3:00 – 4:00am. I am then too tired to be productive, but still can’t sleep. I read a little, write a little, generally waste time and feel unproductive, which adds to the anxiety. This morning I woke at 2:51. Outside the wind was howling. No rain or snow last night. Just wind.
This time I am sure it is the anxiety of learning a new job, selling one home and buying another, and the logistics of moving and of course, worry and guilt about the little dog. Worry about the fact that she is sick and guilt that I am not there with her at her most vulnerable time. I know she is better off with my parent’s, who love and spoil her, than sitting alone in a hotel room while I work. But I still miss her and fancy that she misses me.
My hotel is immediately adjacent to one of the buildings where I need to work. And I have a view of the building and grounds. It is a beautiful campus in Lyndhurst area of Cleveland–just a few miles from my main office. Featured picture is the view from my hotel window.
I had dinner last night at Capital Grille. Light dinner of salad and shrimp cocktail. A bit expensive for a routine night but it is right next to the hotel and so was easy and I did not have to drive. Nathan took good care of me. There was a big family having dinner in the bar and they were a little raucous but not bad. Not disturbing. But when they left, Nathan, the bartender, said he wanted to comp my meal. He said some customers complained. I told him it was no problem for me. The kids were pleasant and happy and not at all out of line. They were a black family and the other customers were all white. So my mind immediately became suspicious. Would the customers have complained if it was a large white family having dinner at an expensive restaurant? Perhaps. I don’t know. Maybe I am overly sensitive, but maybe not.
I took a free glass of wine but paid for my own dinner. When Nathan learned I was moving to Cleveland, he spent a good amount of time writing down specific places to go for Sushi, cigars, seafood, drinks et al. Nice guy and I kept the notes and will endeavor to put them to use. Perhaps even soon.
Saturday mom met a bunch of the old war horses at the American Legion for a luncheon for some group or another and I was able to get this cute picture. These women could feed armies on a moment’s notice with food in their pantries and refrigerators and freezers. It is old school. The way things used to be and likely the way they should be. Perhaps they will be again–if world disruption passes a certain stage and intervenes in our food supply chains.
Northern cities and cold climes. It’s easy to forget about a segment of our population that endures significant hardships as they go through their daily routines. On my way in this morning, around 5:30 am, I drove by a bus stop near the hospital. Several black ladies were standing waiting for their bus. At this stop, there is no shelter and not even a sidewalk. A couple of them were standing on the grass and one on the edge of the road. It was very windy and 19 degrees; they were all huddled against the wind. Stoic and quiet. I imagined that they lose at least an hour each day more than the rest of us considering they have to get there and wait for the bus and then ride as it winds through the route to their stop. If they are lucky they do not have to transfer. The bus riders seem to be disproportionately people of color, although I have not verified that fact. But anyway, the evidence of our country’s institutionalized racism is all around us and now even reinforced daily by our President and his gang of misguided supporters.
Dela update – still slow but more active than the day before. Maybe we are looking at a new normal.
Oscars. WTF? News headlines this morning were dominated by the event that I care least about in the world. It’s a mystery to me why so many people are intrigued by watching over-paid over-hyped actors pat each other on the back for 3 hours. I am pretty sure that with 30 days of training pretty much anyone can be an actor on par with about 95% of the talent in Hollywood. Anyway….. Just another symptom of a seriously flawed society. Right there with pro sport athletes making millions while school teachers work 2nd jobs to stay afloat.
Larry bought a kick-ass PBR guitar at the fundraiser Saturday night. Pictured below.